Here’s what 4 months of new discipline has taught me, said in 4 minutes. 

So this is going to sound like a really cynical take, but i just want to tell you it is not. Ive been trying to stay disciplined for 4 months. This is the absolute truth of what ive found, and im going to give it to you. In 4 minutes. The harsh truth of what discipline means, and why you’re going to fail at it:

1. It is not easy

As obvious as that is, i just want you to know that without a system, it gets even fucking worse. I still dont know how to develop a system. It’s been 4 months since I promised myself I would have one by now, I dont. Reason: systems are difficult to build when you’ve got multiple goals you value, and easy to break when you feel like youre failing at all of them.

2. It is not linear

Relapses like: days spent sulking over people you lost a long time ago, hours spent exploiting distractions, and 5 minute breaks for “recovery” that turn into hours when you meet a friend. You dont think you’ll see the same shit? When’s the last time you did something you knew you shouldn’t do or promised yourself you wouldnt do? 

3. You’ll constantly either hate yourself or be exhausted enough to find a reason to do something that will make you hate yourself

Dont get me wrong, im not depressed, im just being honest here. You’ll be distracted and not working, and not even doing something like pursuing a hobby or talking to a friend. Instead youll be scrolling or doing something worse. Cue self hate and the realization of lacking discipline. Either that, or after youve worked in a way youre proud of and enjoyed, youll also feel tired from having been so disciplined. In order to reward yourself: you’ll relapse into a bad habit and then hate yourself for the discipline you lacked- again. 

4. Your “systems” WILL fail you

Because inevitably, everything sounds better when it doesnt have to be done the way it should be (when its not the goal at that specific time). An hour at the gym after the house help leaves, cant go i have to work. 3 hours of deep work/study in the morning like we planned, cant im getting tired, maybe 5 minute breaks will help (they prolong). 10 minutes of journalling, let me just scroll for a few minutes besides idk what to write anyway. So yeah youre fucked, especially if you dont know how to stick something through WHEN you have an alternative. Its like, when im pursuing a passion, im reminded of responsibilities. When I pursue responsibilities, im reminded of passions, neither works out because both are things I took up because I wanted to.

5. You will contradict yourself

theres constantly 2 versions of me in my head. 1 that wants to work, stay disciplined, build a life im proud of and is mine. The other that’s paralysed in inaction or pursuing the alternative to the task (using a reason that sounds right in the moment, like the need for rest, pursuing a passion over sticking to schedule etc.) Because pursuing my goals is HARD, even the ones that are completely my choices and not obligated- especially those. 

6. Static friction

Where it is so difficult to start even when you know youll be fine once youre in the flow, but when you keep waiting for that stage- it never comes. THERE IS NO GUARANTEE YOU WILL FIND FULFILMENT DOING THE THING YOU LOVE WHEN IT BECOMES A RESPONSIBILITY- WHEN YOU MAKE IT A GOAL. 

Conclusion

So yeah, thats it. This is such a harsh truth, but most of us are just meant for mediocrity. And i know that stings, but just consider it for a second, please. Some people are not meant for discipline. Not because they can’t, but because they don’t deserve that kind of pain, no sane man does. They’re meant to work jobs they dont like. Stay accountable because of someone else. Drag along in life because it is so much more simpler than discipline.

 I know some idiot is probably thinking “well if discipline was easy, everyone would do it”, and that idiot would be right, but they haven’t seen the pain it is. And trust me, i’ve always been an advocate for discipline. Aka the common man can and will achieve his goals. But now, after realizing what it is- I know it’s not true. I also know that 80 to 90 percent of us go in that “everyone” whether we like it or not. Because avoiding accountability for a process that makes you feel like shit is not only easier but also preserving when the word discipline is what blows you to pieces, no matter how prepared you come to the field.