Not my eyes (part 1)

Note from author: This short story is about Leah, a young woman who is living with her boyfriend, Ivan. She has a history of alcoholism, and used to be a part of a biker gang; until she decided to change her life and settle for a more domestic lifestyle; which is when she met Ivan a year ago. Ivan is a car salesman, and a few years older than her; he’s been a huge supporter of Leah’s growth for a while, and a huge reason why she perseveres to be a better person. But Leah’s relationship is not as safe as she thinks, and neither is her individuality nor she. This story’s core themes of questioning the safety of a too-perfect relationship between 2 damaged people are encapsulated by and based off of Out of the Woods by Taylor swift…

Leah felt her legs shake as she stumbled out of the house, her breathing shallow. She sucked in a sharp breath. When she closed her eyes, all she could see was the brunette head on her pillow, and those blue eyes peeping from under the blankets, catching hers. Wasn’t that her boyfriend, Ivan’s, colleague? And God, Ivan, he had been in the bathroom, shirtless and still brushing his teeth when he had seen Leah at the bedroom door. 

How could he? After more than a year together, just when she thought they were fine. That things were finally working out when they had bought this house together on a still developing plot of land so far from the city.. After he had encouraged her to enrolling for college, to quit alcohol. To leave her old life behind. She let out a strangled sound, her feet moving towards the dawn before she could think. She reached for the gate, cold iron at her fingertips, when she heard his voice. “Leah! Wait!” She gripped the railing tight, furious when he came running to her.

He shoved a shirt infront of her, stained with oil. His green eyes widened in panic as he explained himself, “Jenny blacked out at the bar yesterday. I brought her here because no one else there knew her, and I didn’t have my phone to make a call. I was shirtless because my tee got stained with oil from the car. Please, you have to believe me. It’s nothing like what you’re thinking.” He said, staring at her, perplexed. “I-I slept on the couch! You can check, it’s wrinkled!”

His bare chest rose and fell in the sunlight as Leah stared at him, unblinking. She opened her mouth but no words came, but before she could think, a sudden thud in her chest left her no choice but to pull him close, her arms going around his neck as tears squeezed out of her eyes. He hugged her back, his breathing slowing and so did hers. “I believe you.” She said, relief filling her chest where hurt had been. And yet, she was too guilty to question him further.

***
Ivan’s curly brown hair caught the light as he darted from one corner of the room to the other, putting on his coat, drinking his coffee, and looking for his keys simultaneously. Leah watched him with an amused smile. “Hurry up Ivan!” Jenny called from the door, annoyed, flattening her brown hair in her reflection on the mantel piece. She turned to Leah, giving her a small smile. “Sorry for the scare Leah.” She said. 

Leah nodded. Ivan halted to a stop by the window sill, swiping metal keys before planting a quick kiss on Leah’s cheek. “See you tonight babe.” He said with a smile before making for the door. “Oh, and I’ll get home a little later than…9.” He blinked. “Work stuff.” Leah’s smile faded. “That’s fine. I have a shift at the diner at 10 though, so dont be later than that.” 

He gave her a thumbs up, blowing her a second kiss. Jenny waved her goodbye, and the two of them left for the car dealership office in his car. 

***

Ten minutes after they were gone, Leah had changed into her pyjamas. She was so tired after her shift, but she still had a semester to study for. Straightening her sore back, Leah picked up the spade in the front yard. She scratched her eyes with the back of her hands as she dug at the dirt by the tree. She felt guilty, really, she did. Burying those bottles of liquor, just 3 weeks after the road accident she had got into on her bike when she had been driving whilst drunk.Ivan had been so worried the whole time, at the hospital and while bringing her home. It wasn’t fair to him that someone he loved act so reckless, not after everything he had been through.

Leah had endangered her life then, but she didn’t even know who she was when she took up that bottle. And, she guessed that was one of the reasons she drank in the first place. It wasn’t fair at all that she had got drunk last night either, and bagged these bottles from the diner when no one was watching. She would pay them back later…and, what Ivan didn’t know about her drinking problem returning, couldn’t hurt him.

***

Leah collapsed onto their bed soon after. She tugged the blankets over her, slightly despising the fruity scent of Jenny’s perfume, but it wasnt hard to fall asleep, even with the sunlight streaming in through the windows. She clutched at her necklace, a cushion cut ruby on a silver chain, an heirloom and gift from Ivan to her on their one year anniversary. And, a beautiful reminder of how this man had changed her for the better. For a second then, it didn’t seem so hard. Any of it. She would drinking too much. She would pass this semester. And, she would have Ivan with her through it all. What a beautiful life. She smiled as she dozed off.

Leah had only been to Ivan’s office once. Even then, she surely didnt know what the mens washroom there looked like. But now, she knew it smelled like disinfectant and looked like sparkly white walls. She found herself staring at a stall door as it rattled on its hinges. Her stomach flipped when she heard moans. She should really get out of here, but her feet wouldn’t move, and her head wouldn’t turn. She was frozen in place.

“Ivan-” An unfamiliar voice rasped, and Leah’s stomach flipped. Was that-

She glimpsed the brown shoes shifting underneath the stall. Ivan’s.

She awoke with a start. 

It was weird how the subconscious could be so abrupt and disgusting. Well, it must have been the scare from today morning, Leah told herself as she took out the laundry from the washing machine. She would hang it up to dry soon.

THUD.

Leah looked up. What the fuck.

The sound repeated. 

And then came the scraping. 

From…behind the house? 

Leah’s eyebrows furrowed as she took a moment, before gathering a stick from the laundry room and heading out to the back of the house. The sound was coming from the trash.

Her heart rattled in her chest as she approached the tall green trash can, the stick raised infront of her. Funny, because she knew she had faced a lot of things bigger than-

“WAAH!” She screeched, stumbling back as a racoon flew out of the trash and scurried past her into the bushes. Just as the trash bags came tumbling down behind it. “NO!” They crashed, one splitting on a rock and its contents oozing out. The smell was revolting. But there was something else that had spilled out of the big can too, a plastic stick. She approached it cautiously, her eyes narrowing as she neared, and her heart skipping a beat when she realized it was a pregnancy test. 

It was positive. She gulped as she stared at it, her shadow growing taller as the Sun set behind her. It was not hers. Which meant, it could only be Jenny’s. Leah’s grip on the stick tightened and she shoved it into her pocket.